It all made me realize how wrong we get it sometimes..
It made me so frustrated and sad. It made me cringe and want to scream through that phone and computer screen. And it most definitely made me want to cry. And I did.
Too many to count at this point, but ever since posting a picture of my boyfriend and me on social media at the end of April, I have received so many "congratulations". SO. MANY. And after each comment, a fire grew bigger and bigger in my soul. And when fire grows like this- I write. So here I am writing about it, about one little word that is usually meant for accomplishments that have taken lots of hard work or prizes that were won. But this week it was meant to express someone's happiness for me being a in relationship. Yuck. Did I finally accomplish something? Did I get lucky enough to finally get a boyfriend? No. Neither of those things. Congratulations is not in order for me.
I have dated a lot-- a lot. Some of my "friends" would say too much, but man, just TRY to be a 27 year old single woman in a smaller city in the midwest, the pressure it suffocating. However that's another story. So I have dated a lot, but I haven't been in a committed relationship in quite some time and that weekend I sat there starring at the picture of my boyfriend and I on my iPhone screen. (AH! We were SO cute.) I wanted to share this with everyone! EVERYONE. He doesn't understand why, but I do. This picture is so special to me. But why didn't I post it on Instagram instantly? Why did it sit in my drafts for 48 hours? Because of the eruption I assumed would ensure after I finally made it public. And boy did it ever. My boyfriend and I dated for over 3 months before I shared "us" publicly. I wanted to protect us and let all the voices and opinions of "those people" be quieted. I wanted my few, trusted, loved ones to know and walk with me in that infant stage of our relationship. And it was glorious.
To be honest some days I wish it was still that way. I wish Dan and I were still were off the grid-- as he would probably want it. Man, that man has such wisdom sometimes. I crave that. I crave to not crave the attention of the world. He is helping me with that. I have been learning a lot about quieting the opinions of others, listening to the Word of God and listening to those who have my trust and best in mind. It's been crazy to see who has reached out, who has taken the time to say "congrats" to me for something I don't think is any sort of accomplishment or victory. It's actually the opposite- I'm really entering a battlefield. Trying to weave my life together with another human being is actually the most insane journey I have EVER been on. I am learning a ton about me- mostly my ugly. It's so hard. Yet so beyond good.
I don't want to be too cynical or too harsh. I know all those people who offered me a congrats were just trying to share in what was assumed to be my excitement and my desire to share the happiness I have found with Dan. And at the end of the day I DID share that picture. I did open the door to all those comments. I know I have (more than I probably am aware of) people cheering me on and wanting me to find love and a partner to walk with. I know that. I am thankful for that. I am so thankful. If you were one of those people, I don't think less of you, I'm just calling you to take a second look. This whole thing stopped me in my tracks and made me think real long and hard about my reactions to people when they choose to open up and share something precious and sacred.
But these congrats whispered the lie right back to me that I fought to not believe for so long, as I am sure many single women fight too- that I was somehow lacking, somehow hadn't achieved something in my life that I should've by now, and that fortunately now I had hit the jackpot. As if my life before being in a relationship was less. Let me say this loudly and clearly. Single women, women in a relationship, married women, widowed women-- YOU ARE WHOLE RIGHT NOW. You. Just you. You are not lacking, not waiting for something or someone else. Today, you are enough. You are beautiful and extravagant and more precious than you know. It's my mission-- from my experience, the harsh words from others, the isolation, my loneliness-- to make room for single women in this world and sing praises and love over their lives because for years the world gave me the exact opposite. Even more specifically, it is my mission to make room for single women (and men too) in the church and the body of Christ. It is my mission to revamp our image to be FULL, WHOLE, AMAZING humans who are not lacking or waiting for "life" to begin. Lord God, instill this vision in my life and heart. May I be zealous in my pursuit of this and to make singleness be seen as a gift again and not a disqualifier to a rich and meaningful life.
These congrats have made me much more sensitive to my reactions to others these past few months and hopefully for years to come. Can I get a congrats for finishing all my laundry? How about one for getting out of bed, interacting with other humans in a positive way and making a simple lunch? THOSE things don't get the congrats that they deserve. But being in a relationship? From every single girl (and every girl who is now in a relationship after a long time of singleness and probably men too...) please don't say congrats to us, please don't think our lives were less than they are now or were lacking in purpose. Being in a relationship- that doesn't merit a congrats. It does merit intense prayer and encouragement because relationships are insanely messy and beautiful, but the congrats? Save it for graduation. Save it for the lottery winners. As for me, I am going to fight for this vision and truth. And for the time being, as long as the Lord wills, I will be thankful for my man, for the courage and love we try to live out every day.
It made me so frustrated and sad. It made me cringe and want to scream through that phone and computer screen. And it most definitely made me want to cry. And I did.
Too many to count at this point, but ever since posting a picture of my boyfriend and me on social media at the end of April, I have received so many "congratulations". SO. MANY. And after each comment, a fire grew bigger and bigger in my soul. And when fire grows like this- I write. So here I am writing about it, about one little word that is usually meant for accomplishments that have taken lots of hard work or prizes that were won. But this week it was meant to express someone's happiness for me being a in relationship. Yuck. Did I finally accomplish something? Did I get lucky enough to finally get a boyfriend? No. Neither of those things. Congratulations is not in order for me.
I have dated a lot-- a lot. Some of my "friends" would say too much, but man, just TRY to be a 27 year old single woman in a smaller city in the midwest, the pressure it suffocating. However that's another story. So I have dated a lot, but I haven't been in a committed relationship in quite some time and that weekend I sat there starring at the picture of my boyfriend and I on my iPhone screen. (AH! We were SO cute.) I wanted to share this with everyone! EVERYONE. He doesn't understand why, but I do. This picture is so special to me. But why didn't I post it on Instagram instantly? Why did it sit in my drafts for 48 hours? Because of the eruption I assumed would ensure after I finally made it public. And boy did it ever. My boyfriend and I dated for over 3 months before I shared "us" publicly. I wanted to protect us and let all the voices and opinions of "those people" be quieted. I wanted my few, trusted, loved ones to know and walk with me in that infant stage of our relationship. And it was glorious.
To be honest some days I wish it was still that way. I wish Dan and I were still were off the grid-- as he would probably want it. Man, that man has such wisdom sometimes. I crave that. I crave to not crave the attention of the world. He is helping me with that. I have been learning a lot about quieting the opinions of others, listening to the Word of God and listening to those who have my trust and best in mind. It's been crazy to see who has reached out, who has taken the time to say "congrats" to me for something I don't think is any sort of accomplishment or victory. It's actually the opposite- I'm really entering a battlefield. Trying to weave my life together with another human being is actually the most insane journey I have EVER been on. I am learning a ton about me- mostly my ugly. It's so hard. Yet so beyond good.
I don't want to be too cynical or too harsh. I know all those people who offered me a congrats were just trying to share in what was assumed to be my excitement and my desire to share the happiness I have found with Dan. And at the end of the day I DID share that picture. I did open the door to all those comments. I know I have (more than I probably am aware of) people cheering me on and wanting me to find love and a partner to walk with. I know that. I am thankful for that. I am so thankful. If you were one of those people, I don't think less of you, I'm just calling you to take a second look. This whole thing stopped me in my tracks and made me think real long and hard about my reactions to people when they choose to open up and share something precious and sacred.
But these congrats whispered the lie right back to me that I fought to not believe for so long, as I am sure many single women fight too- that I was somehow lacking, somehow hadn't achieved something in my life that I should've by now, and that fortunately now I had hit the jackpot. As if my life before being in a relationship was less. Let me say this loudly and clearly. Single women, women in a relationship, married women, widowed women-- YOU ARE WHOLE RIGHT NOW. You. Just you. You are not lacking, not waiting for something or someone else. Today, you are enough. You are beautiful and extravagant and more precious than you know. It's my mission-- from my experience, the harsh words from others, the isolation, my loneliness-- to make room for single women in this world and sing praises and love over their lives because for years the world gave me the exact opposite. Even more specifically, it is my mission to make room for single women (and men too) in the church and the body of Christ. It is my mission to revamp our image to be FULL, WHOLE, AMAZING humans who are not lacking or waiting for "life" to begin. Lord God, instill this vision in my life and heart. May I be zealous in my pursuit of this and to make singleness be seen as a gift again and not a disqualifier to a rich and meaningful life.
These congrats have made me much more sensitive to my reactions to others these past few months and hopefully for years to come. Can I get a congrats for finishing all my laundry? How about one for getting out of bed, interacting with other humans in a positive way and making a simple lunch? THOSE things don't get the congrats that they deserve. But being in a relationship? From every single girl (and every girl who is now in a relationship after a long time of singleness and probably men too...) please don't say congrats to us, please don't think our lives were less than they are now or were lacking in purpose. Being in a relationship- that doesn't merit a congrats. It does merit intense prayer and encouragement because relationships are insanely messy and beautiful, but the congrats? Save it for graduation. Save it for the lottery winners. As for me, I am going to fight for this vision and truth. And for the time being, as long as the Lord wills, I will be thankful for my man, for the courage and love we try to live out every day.
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